Also, it turns out that "Kosumopuropan" is complete nonsense. It was a word the company apparently made up because they thought it looked cool and sounded foreign, and hoped maybe people would think it was English! Well, in a way, they almost kind of succeeded...! In a way...
Anyway! Now that we're back on track, I have decided to begin from the beginning, and make this post all about the three-day Tokyo orientation we received at the very beginning of the JET Program, practically immediately upon arriving in Japan.
After landing at the airport and getting on our respective buses, we were transported to a big, fancy hotel in Tokyo. It had lots of pretty chandeliers. Like this!
...And this...!
...And this...!
When we arrived at the hotel, there were two sets of elevators, one set of express elevators for floors 30 and higher, and another set for floors 2-29. Since almost all of us were on floors below thirty, there were a great many of us waiting for the non-express elevators, all carrying luggage. This was annoying, so I decided to Legend of Zelda myself into a more convenient solution. I got on the express elevators, overshot my floor, rode to floor 30, then caught a "local" elevator on its way down, thus preempting the crowd and avoiding the long line, which I had been at the back of, and getting to the room ultimately a whole lot faster. May the Way of the Hero Lead to the Hotel Room...!
Speaking of the hotel room, after we slept and got over the jet-lag (yes, yes, insert your "JET Program jet-lag" joke here...!), the next morning I took pictures of the view from outside our room window...!
Here's a picture of the building across the street:
If you look carefully, you can see our hotel building reflected in its windows!
Just to give you an idea of how gigantic the city of Tokyo really is, I want you to look carefully at the next couple of pictures. If you look to the horizon, you will see that the city literally goes on for as far as the eye can see.
...And in all directions.
...And just in case you were curious, here's a view of the street below. Note the vehicles driving on the left side of the road, and the Japanese writing on the driveway in front of the other building...!
So, after our first (amazingly delicious) hotel breakfast, we were all asked to arrive in formal business attire at a certain assembly room in the hotel. When you approached it, this is what you saw:
"Oh man, man!" I thought, "I'm in one of THESE movies...!!!"
The room, in fact, was quite large. I don't know if the photo captures it, but there were easily over a thousand people there.
And the light fixtures were all fancy chandeliers!
We were given speeches and presentations by several important heads of Japanese governmental ministries, like the Council of Local Authorities for International Relations (CLAIR), The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications, The Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science, and Technology (MEXT). I believe it is the head of MEXT pictured giving a speech below.
His speech was particularly great. I love that MEXT, one of the main ministries of the Japanese government, deals with "culture" and "sports" in the same breath as "education," "science," and "technology."
Japanese culture is different. So different, I think, that a lot of Americans have difficulty believing that a lot of it is real at first. This is a nation where aesthetics, athletics, and the arts are taken with legitimate seriousness. You simply don't hear about art and music programs being cut in Japanese schools. The arts are valued here on a level that lacks comparison with the U.S., so much so that they have a main governmental ministry whose very name makes explicit reference to the idea that arts, culture, and sports go hand-in-hand with a serious, well-rounded education.
Another interesting tidbit about Japanese culture and law. It is extremely idealistic:
...Yeah. That's an actual Japanese LAW.
...Kind of a different culture, right...?
And even if you can't literally "enforce" such a law as that, the fact that it is being encouraged at all by a body as large and important as the national government does make a difference in how these people meet the world. It is actually an incredibly encouraging thing. And you see the benefits of this rather widespread positive attitude all around you, everywhere, pretty much every day. A positive attitude is kind of a general "given" in Japanese culture and daily life. Your average "man on the street" is surprisingly kind, generous, and helpful. It is rather as though everything that everyone does is done with some amount of thought towards improving our current world.
...Which brings me to the toilets.
I don't know if you know about this, but Japanese toilets are INSANE. They are most certainly a misguided attempt towards creating a more perfect world. This is the Mad Scientist's contribution to Japan: The Automated Robo-Toilet...!
You've probably heard of the idea, through science fiction most likely, that one day technology will "go too far" and take over the world.
Right?
...And yet, in real life, you've probably never really felt like this was actually going to happen any time soon.
WELL...! Japanese toilets are absolute proof that technology has gone too far. They look innocent enough at a glance...
...But then...!
...You realize it's a MONSTER!!!! Laser eye-beams that flip the seat up when you enter the room! Weight sensors built into the base to know when to flush after you stand up! Seats hardwired to be adjustable to the degree Centigrade, giving you a warm toilet seat in winter and a cool one in summer! And that's not to mention the far more sinister features contained within the Captain Kirk-style arm-rest button panel:
...Those aren't for calling Scotty down in the Engine Room, people...
What one might not understand from the Japanese writing is made clear by the tiny little pictures of cartoon fannies being sprayed with various directional-beams of water. Needless to say, I tend to avoid these buttons, and don't typically press anything but the flush.
Anyway, that, plus some teaching workshops too boring to mention in a blog, was what the first couple days of Tokyo Orientation were like! Stay tuned for the next post, in which I discuss nightly Adventures into the streets of Tokyo, Glow-in-the-Dark policemen, game center arcades, adorable pink pirate llamas, unintentionally funny English, and MORE...!!
Your Source For Absurdity,
